Molyneux's Inner Circle Member
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- Past Address: 627 5th Street Lancaster, PA 17603
- 1117 Wabank Rd. C-304, Lancaster , PA 17603
- Born: 01-11-1978
Family Of Origin:
- Father: John Yecker
- Mother: Beverly (Bowman) Yecker
- Brother: Christian Yecker
While in therapy, and at the height of her involvement in Freedomain Radio, Jacea decided to DeFOO from her abusive family. The last time she spoke to her Father was in 2012. Mother, Beverly Bowman Yecker, was extremely passive aggressive to Jacea throughout her childhood. The affect of this abuse would leave Jacea permanently scarred.
My family was not overtly physically violent except for a few occasions and I honestly can’t even remember what I was ‘punished’ for. Alternately my family is extremely passive aggressive. If I did something that was not acceptable to my parents I would get this stern look but no verbal response. I still get this treatment from my brother on occasion. I was also told that it was virtuous to ‘let people believe what they believe’. But if something happened that didn’t jive with the family ‘values’ everyone would just get a look of disapproval on their face and hold in any comments.Jacea Yecker
Jacea believed that perhaps she could fill the void of an unhappy childhood with tattoos and piercings. It didn’t work. She became seriously involved with the BDSM community, having shallow sex that she would later regret. Jacea even started a small business selling custom BDSM gear online. She personally modeled this gear, nearly naked.
So I started reading and talking to people online about the bondage subculture. I didn’t find out much at first because no one wants to talk about it. I finally found a select few who would answer my questions, and almost every single one of them said that the gear they could buy was not always what they wanted and/or needed. I offered to make them gear if they could describe what they needed. It was a match made in heaven. I got to work with leather and they got what they needed. A lot can happen in six years. I moved around a lot, sometimes into places where pounding rivets into leather was not greatly appreciated. But the time has come for change once more; hence the new site. I’m still trying to keep it a relatively small operation (still have the good old 9to5 to worry about). But, hey, you never know what the future holds. I still love being a ‘leather engineer’.Jacea Yecker DeMarco
None of the tattoos, piercings, or friendships in the BDSM community were enough to make her happy. Jacea began rapidly gaining weight, further destroying her body. Deep down she knew she needed help. She needed to get to the core of her low self esteem. This is where Stefan Molyneux and the Freedomain Radio community were ready to help.
With Molyneux’s help, Jacea was able to realize that the family of origin is the core cause of her adult dysfunctions and unhappiness. With a therapists help, Jacea was able to DeFOO, and break free of her accidental biological cage.
Freedomain Radio Posts
I’ve had a lot of anxiety about bringing this up on the boards. I have a lot of fear surrounding not being understood. So please let me know if I genuinely do not make sense in any area or if I’m just self attacking in this realm.I just recently started seeing a therapist. I have my second session tonight. I’ve started by working on my phobia of calling people on the phone. He has been having me call him on a semi-daily basis and says that practice is the key. I’m not so sure that this method is the best but since it’s only been one session, I’ll see how tonight goes. I want to find out the cause of my phobia, not just ‘get over it’. So I’ve been attempting to piece together what I have come to believe is my Simon the boxer experience.
I noticed that I do several things which seem designed to cause disappointment in others. I’m more often than not late. It doesn’t seem to matter if it’s something I want to go to or not. I misjudge how long it will take me to get ready or I think of other things that need to get done before I leave right when I have to leave.
The phone comes into play here because I tend to not call anyone back. I have anxiety when calling someone but not as great as returning a call when someone has called me first.
I thought I’d try to trace this back to how my family life was in this realm. My family was not overtly physically violent except for a few occasions and I honestly can’t even remember what I was ‘punished’ for. Alternately my family is extremely passive aggressive. If I did something that was not acceptable to my parents I would get this stern look but no verbal response. I still get this treatment from my brother on occasion. I was also told that it was virtuous to ‘let people believe what they believe’. But if something happened that didn’t jive with the family ‘values’ everyone would just get a look of disapproval on their face and hold in any comments. It seems as if I tried to express opinions, that I was probably attacked but I don’t remember any specific incidents. As a matter of fact I can’t remember much of my childhood, so I may have just blocked it out.
I’m trying to see how this all ties into recreating this disappointment in me and others and how I can use this knowledge in my therapy to better understand how to effect a change in my behavior.
The confusing thing is that there is an anomaly here as well. My brother asked me in his lovely indirect way why I never ask him for help anymore but I skirted that question. I knew what his response would be if I told him the truth. If while working with him on my house, I make a decision which he doesn’t think is right, he just gives me ‘that look’ of disappointment and I hate it so I don’t ask him for help anymore.
I’m feeling a bit emotionally and intellectually retarded here since I know certain things should be standing out to me but aren’t. I’m not sure what questions to ask and I feel as if I might be trying to invoke this disappointment in board members just by posting.
Anyone’s insights would be greatly appreciated.
“I was talking to my mom today about what I brought up in therapy about being raised with passive aggression and I think I heard the best 6 words ever from my mom. “What could I have done differently?” I was really shocked but happy at the same time. Unfortunately I couldn’t really give her an answer since I’m still piecing together events and examples but it was still nice to get that question rather than the stare and nod that implied “That’s a nice opinion, dear. Even though I disagree I’m not going to say anything.”
Query, Conundrum & Clarification Blog
Query, Conundrum & Clarification Blog
The Question of Children “Lately I’ve been thinking and talking to other people about the prospect of having children. I have a long way to go both emotionally and financially before it’s actually a serious consideration but I do think about it periodically simply to evaluate if it’s still on the table.
Up until three years ago I did not really like small children. Babies annoyed me and I could not communicate with children at all. I thought they were something to be managed and herded around like cattle. I realize now that I was completely denying the fact that I too was not understood as a child and that I was repeating exactly what my parents did to me.
Children are not given the credit they deserve for their natural reasoning and negotiation skills. When any person who has not reflected on their own past sees the strong will and determination of a child, the first thing they do is what their parents did to them; squash it. I refuse to ever do this to a child.
I will be 33 years old in a little over a week. For years now when ever I encountered someone with children they’d always ask me “When are you going to have kids?” I found this odd. There was never curiosity as to why I didn’t already have them as though the default was having kids and I was the exception. And, well, in reality, it is. When I’d tell them I want to be financially secure and find the right person to have kids with (my boyfriend at the time was not someone I would have given children to) they scoffed at the notion. “When your biological clock gets tickin’ any guy will do.” That’s pretty nauseating if you think about it.
The other response was “Well, things just happen.” This is where I get more than a little angry. Oh really? Things just happen? You have no say in whether or not you use condoms, spermicide, or the multitudes of birth control pills, shots, patches and other contraptions. I’m constantly berated by phrases like this and the thing that irritates me most is that if you bring a child into this world it is the single most important thing you will do in life and yet these people think “it just happens.”
The worst thing I’ve noticed is that if you want to plan, read all you can about child rearing, basically study for the biggest test you’ll ever take, you are looked down on for it; that being ignorant is good; that what you have in your head (what you learned from your own childhood) is sufficient. I’ve heard things like “you’ll just know how” said to young mothers who are asking how to raise a child. They are never told to question the process in any way. I honestly believe that women spend more time studying for the SATs than they do in making the decision to have children.
My personal plan for getting ready for children goes something like this: Find a good mate. This has most certainly been accomplished. Three years ago I was in a 12 year long abusive and destructive relationship. I never thought I was going to get out of it, but I did a lot of work on my self esteem and finally walked away. Now, still continuing the trend of self work, I have an amazingly supportive guy in my life who has the same goals of self improvement as I do and as far as someone I would give children to; he is absolutely that person. But that doesn’t automatically clinch the deal. We both may want children, but several more sets of criteria would need to be met. We want to be financially secure and by that I mean that one or both of us would be able to be at home for the first few years of the child’s life. But even with that in place, would we be at a stage emotionally to have children, do we even want children at that point or have our life goals pointed us in a direction where children would not be a good choice? When we get there would it be healthy to have children based on my age?
As you can see, in just my instance, there are so many factors that go into this decision and it bothers me that so many take it so lightly. To those of you pondering this decision right now or who may do so in the future, please treat this decision with more care than you would deciding which shirt to wear in the morning. As cliche as it sounds children ARE the future. You may have control of their today but you don’t own their tomorrow. As a parent it’s your job to get them to adulthood unscathed, unblemished and free from all the trappings of your own childhood. It’s bittersweet seeing a child who isn’t raised with their parent’s baggage. You feel sad that you never got that opportunity but you can be happy to see them flourish in their natural state of freedom.”
If you believe that…
I have a bridge to sell you. This phrase usually refers to the gullibility of people but I had to stop and think about it for a minute. I entertained the thought that it would be pretty awesome if I could buy a bridge.
According to Sam Harris’ (totally missing the point) article on education: “Over one quarter of our nation’s bridges are structurally deficient.” (A New Year’s Resolution for the Rich: The Huffington Post – 12/29/2010). I can’t help but think that if individuals could purchase bridges that this number would be much lower simply because the inefficiency of government is well documented Private companies would, in general, get the job done better if not constrained by the state. I guess because of living on an island – where the only way on and off is a toll bridge – bridges have been on my mind lately.
But it’s fun when my brain runs off with just one seemingly random thought.
Unconditional love is a value put forth by toxic people who want you to keep them in your life no matter what they do. Love is NEVER unconditional. I would even go as far as to say it’s a self detonating statement. If love is the involuntary response to virtue then those without virtue will not be loved. Therefore love cannot be unconditional.
The Eternal Shame of Your First Online Handle
My first handles were on a BBS called 2001: A Communications Odyssey. I was 14 so I went by Spaz. I was given this nickname by my friends because of how random I was. I was eventually banned for being a complete jerk to other users. I was granted a second chance and then went by Luna – I had just started getting into Paganism at the time – until I no longer had access to the boards because I was using a friend’s computer.
My first AOL user-name was Corgaano which is a misspelling (Korgano) of a Star-Trek: TNG (Ep. 7×17:Masks) sub-character played by Data (Brent Spiner). I think that’s still my favorite episode. I have yet to delve into why, but I’m sure it will be some interesting introspection. My next user-name was daarkraine which I still use in various places to this day. It came from a time that I toyed with numerology – with no real weight to it but simply because I’ve always loved math. Without going into all the convoluted math that goes into it, I’ll just say that it matches my birth number.